As usual, I have no friends. That's the norm for me now. Yet maybe I prefer this solitary life in a way.
Social situations make me feel a bit nervous, and my social skills are awkward due to lack of use. On the other hand, I enjoy long stretches of alone time so that I may think, pray, and write. Having no friends isn't good, I know, but I just don't know what to do about it.
Ceaselessly praying, initiating conversations, being a generally nice and helpful person...and so on...haven't helped.
Therefore, I suppose I'll pray one more time.
God, please bring true friends into my life...friends who like me for who I am...no more gossip or betrayal. Please bring lasting friendships into my life. All of my efforts fail, so only You can do this.
Still, I wonder...am I defected, like a whisper of a person instead of someone with a distinct presence?
When I have the chance to interact with others, I am kind toward them. Yet the feeling of being different lurks in the back of my mind at all times, and I expect every encounter to be fleeting. Most people and I don't have much in common.
This life isn't normal, but I'm used to it. Since I have a strong connection with God, I don't often feel lonely. Actually, I feel more alone in groups than I do when I'm on my own.
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