Grad school is a cult

In grad school, my mental and physical health started to deteriorate. Grad school is an abusive environment...being confined to a chair, reading and writing irrelevant material, being undermined by narcissistic professors despite hours of hard work. Memories of grad school are dark, as my mind and body gradually became enslaved to the Satanic system...and I became depressed, warped in my thinking. Without realizing, I began to commit slow suicide through starvation. The memories are haunting; I'd punish myself just for being human instead of a perfect, lifeless slave.

The slave mentality of the corporate system begins full force during grad school. By no means am I the only one who has been subjected to this ritualized abuse, which is no less than mind control. Slowly losing my mind as the amount of busywork took every moment of my time and all of my mental energy...the suffering of grad school is unique and must be experienced to be really understood.

Stream of consciousness

Being right with God is the most important priority. Regardless of all else, if someone has fellowship with God, that person has succeeded in life.

One may dress up a dead object to look pretty, yet the essence of death still permeates through. True beauty is found in the inward function of life and light. Light and life give off warmth.

Counterfeit beauty can be quite flashy and superficially captivating, such as what is found in electric light, faux flowers, and cosmetic masks. The world is drawn to "beauty" such as that. Yet true beauty captures God's eye, and has eternal quality.

The beauty of form follows function. The purpose for which we are created is fellowship with God, delighting in Him, working together toward His good plan.

Do not be conformed to the culture's standard image of the "Christian woman." She is saccharine, full of fluff and empty cliches. She's pretty on the outside, yet lacks depth.

Some "worship music" is actually worship of self music.

God is a genius, the wise and brilliant mastermind behind creation, the greatest artist of all. He is the author of true beauty. True beauty is not vain.

Grieving

Again, I am overwhelmed. Life is so difficult sometimes. If I am struggling just to get through the day, how can I live for God?

But that's a fallacy, I suppose...that I must have my life "together" before I am able to serve God. Right now I can serve God, even in these difficult circumstances.

Now that Tyson is gone, I don't have much of a will to live in this world. God, what must I do to complete my purpose and leave this place? There isn't much joy in my heart now, other than the joy I find in simple pleasures. Maybe that is enough for now.