The blessing and curse of singleness

Sometimes I'm lonely and wish I were married. Yet I know from experience that a romantic relationship isn't necessarily the cure for loneliness. A man won't fix all of my problems, and would more likely make them worse.

The Bible calls singleness a gift. Indeed, I am more peaceful now than I have ever been in a relationship, and being single allows one more time to focus on spiritual matters. Though companionship would be nice, I wonder if marriage would even be wise in such a time as this (which I believe to be the end time). Bringing children into this world seems irresponsible. Marriage without children is a possibility, but who would understand my point of view and agree that children wouldn't be a good idea right now, and maybe never?

God, I'll let You figure this out.

False preachers

The other night I dreamed I attended a megachurch. On a television screen I watched people onstage speaking in tongues and casting out demons. Then a man stabbed himself in the neck and cut off his own head. He died onstage.

This dream is probably the result of a strange mixture of all I've been thinking about lately. For example, I looked up Creflo Dollar, a sociopath who said he wanted to kill people who don't tithe. He gives me a very bad feeling.

Greedy televangelists make Christianity seem like a scam. They take advantage of the poor, needy, and lonely to make money for themselves. Creflo probably doesn't even believe what he preaches, and is laughing all the way to the bank at how gullible people are.

Sadly, Joyce Meyer seems to be the same way. When I first became a Christian, I liked listening to her sermons...but she preaches the same prosperity gospel as Creflo. She doesn't seem to be quite as crooked as him, but she sure has a greed problem.

Joyce Meyer's Private Jet

All of this reminds me of the first few chapters of Fullmetal Alchemist, when Rose is fooled by a corrupt, false preacher, then tearfully loses her faith after discovering the truth behind the scenes.

Filthy rich preachers don't represent God. They are a major reason why people become disillusioned with the hypocrisy of "Christians." Yet I haven't lost my faith, despite people using God's name for material gain. Seeing the beauty and order of this world, and believing it created itself, has always seemed to me like a far-fetched philosophy.

On adulthood and childlikeness

Even after becoming a Christian, I experience seasons of almost debilitating depression. During those times, accomplishing even the most simple tasks requires me to rely on God's strength alone. Thankfully, these moods are lifted much more quickly than they used to be....Before becoming a Christian, I felt depressed about 99% of the time.

Holding onto eternal life, I realize that the spiritual journey is truly endless...and in a sense I am like a child, exploring every corner of creation with my best friend, anticipating every day as a new adventure.

By God's grace I haven't succumbed to the dreary mentality of the doldrums, though I easily could have. Perhaps I was going in that direction, but God took my hand and rescued me from the mire. At one time I believed adulthood meant tossing away frivolous thoughts, including daydreams, dreams for the future, interest in anything childish...and I felt ashamed of my dream to be an artist, so I tried to hide my childlike qualities. At that time I felt annoyance toward people who reveled in immaturity, telling myself I don't have that luxury, that I must grow up and stop being selfish and reach realistic goals.

There is truth to those thoughts, but there is a balance. Yes, growing up means becoming less selfish and unrealistic, but I don't have to butcher my soul to achieve that. Being an adult...responsible, diligent, and virtuous...with childlike characteristics such as imagination, humor, and innocence, is entirely possible.

The topsy-turvy values of the world

Doing good works is not the way to earn favor with God...as if favor could be earned in the first place. "Faith without works is dead," though good works arise from the abundant overflow of God's love, rather than through human effort. Yet how often I go about life backwards.

The Christian life should not be a life of striving, trying to impress God and others, trying to obtain "perfection." Christ Himself doesn't fit our typical concept of perfection. He is sinless, and He is the Son of God, so He is indeed perfect; however, He wasn't handsome or successful by worldly standards.

Christ didn't have fancy credentials or polished social skills. Today, He would not be living the American Dream. He was entirely honest; there is no pretentiousness or deceit in Him, as there is in most of us.

Christ's character proves that God's priorities are not the world's priorities. Status, money, and power are important to the world; therefore, the world applauds people who are selfish, inconsiderate, shallow, vain, and narcissistic. To the contrary, God values humility, kindness, a quiet life of obedience. His pace is not frantic like the world's pace. He considers a gentle and quiet spirit to be of high value. Where the world sees weakness, He sees strength.

The Opposite of God's Beauty Standard

Popularity is important to the world, yet those who sincerely follow Christ will be unpopular. The world will reject true Christians and hate them without cause. That has been my experience, and the experience of other genuine Christians I know.